Chapter 12

“Howard Higglebottom is here to see you!” A loud voice shouted with all the finesse a prison guard could muster.
Jenn awoke with a start. Matt wasn’t here. “I don’t know any Howard Higglebottom.”
“His papers say he’s your lawyer. I suggest you get up and go talk to him.” The guard was dressed in an orange chef’s uniform and carrying a large ring of multicolored keys. She motioned for Jenn to follow her down a corridor to an empty room.
There was a man in a multicolored shirt standing on the opposite end of the room. He turned around and faced her as she came in. “Hello, you must be Jenn.”
Great, Jenn thought. I’ve got a kook for a lawyer. He’s staring out an imaginary window. “Yes, I’m Jenn. You must be Henry Higglebottom. Do you think you can help me?”
“I think so. I’ll file a few motions. Considering that this is your first offense, you should be out of here in no time.”
“Matt said a couple of weeks.”
“Well, that’s pretty good, considering the paperwork.
I’d say its pretty short, considering.”
Jenn was floored, literally. She sank down to the ground. “Do you think we maybe could get some chairs in here, or maybe a table?”
“I doubt it, there’s a stockroom full of them down the hall, but its takes weeks to fill out all the paperwork, plus there’s some kind of legislative hold, blah blah blah blah.”
“Well, anyway. What can I do to get this whole thing started?”
“First we can start, by answering a few questions.”
“O.k.”
“Where were you on the night of March 2nd?”
Jenn was a little startled. On March 2nd, she had been busy drunkenly writing on an ex-boyfriend so that he said “Your girlfriend is my girlfriend”. Not exactly her finest hour, but she didn’t think anyone else knew about it either. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“I’m sorry, I was looking at the files from the wrong case. Can you tell me why you haven’t registered?”
“I didn’t know I had to.”
He looked at her quizzically. “You know the insanity defense was thrown out years ago.”
“I’m telling the truth.”
“How is that possible?”
“I’m from out of town.” He looked at her again. “ Way out of time.”
“I guess that isn’t going to help us much. O.K. So how did you get here then?”
“I don’t know. It doesn’t really make sense to me. I don’t see how that’s going to help.”
“It’s not. I’m just curious. O.k. Name?”
“Jenn Srauski”
“Age?”
“20.”
“Documentation?”
“Huh?”
“I said, do you have any documentation?”
“Oh,“ Jenn took out her wallet and tossed it too him. “Will any of these do?”
He rifled through it. “Interesting.” He stopped at a picture of her and her friends. “They have funny skin.”
“Well, they‘re not from around here.”
He continued looking through her wallet. He looked up.
“This is all pretty much useless.”
“Pretty much?”
“Well, completely, but I didn’t want to say that.”
“So, is there anything we can do?”
“Of course. I can get those motions filed and we can get you out of here. I just need to you to sign a few documents first.” He took out a stack of papers about an inch thick.
“I have to sign all that?”
“Uh no, surprisingly, its much easier,“ he tore off one of the sheets of paper and handed it to her:
I the undersigned, do declare that I am not registered as a citizen of Rome. I understand that
I am not entitled to any of the privileges afforded to citizens of Rome, specifically the right to a job, to vote, to participate in government, to hold or campaign for office, or the right to trade or barter goods or services while on Roman soil. I am however entitled to all the privileges of a non-citizen including but not limited to the right to have goods and services traded and bartered on my behalf with my approval and the right to full legal status of an minor child. As a non-citizen I will be treated as a minor child in all matters legal, judicial, and economic. If I attempt to contest these matters a second time, I understand that I will be prosecuted fully under the law.
_____________
After Jenn finished reading the document, she felt a little dizzy from all the legal jargon. “That’s pretty clear,” she said when she recovered.
“That’s the Roman way. Clear and thorough.” He reached in to his briefcase. “I forgot, I do have one more paper you have to sign. This one just says that I answered all the questions you had and answered them satisfactorily.”
Jenn looked at the paper he handed her, and it did in fact, say just that. “If I sign this, I won’t be in trouble
anymore?”
“Yes.”
“And I won’t have to leave Rome?”
“No.”
“And I won’t starve to death or die of exposure.”
“If you like I or any one of my colleagues at C.E.W.L can be your own personal liaison.”
“One last thing? How much is this going to cost me?”“Cost? I don’t understand.”
“Money? Credits? Dinero?”
“We barter and trade here. But you don’t have anything I need and your not allowed to do that anyway. Besides this is my job.”
Jenn signed the papers. “How long should this take?”
“With any luck we’ll be in court next week.”
“Court? I thought you said this was a sure thing.”
“It is. Don’t worry. But we do have to go through the proper channels.” He rang a bell, and a guard came to take her back to her cell. By the time she got back it was late, and she went right to sleep.